Chive - Stentor

Local Smoker Astonished to Find that Death is Coming

Posted on October 21, 2015December 20, 2015 by Camille Lemieux

LAKE FOREST, IL-Upon being chastised about smoking outside the Student Center by a nameless pedestrian, Lake Forest College student Jyothis James ’16 came to the earth-shattering realization that cigarettes, in fact, are detrimental to one’s health. “When I started smoking, I thought it was just another stimulant to add to my daily regimen. If I’m chugging down 2000% of my DV of Vitamin B6, I might as well throw some nicotine into the mix, you know?”…

Homecoming: Was That My Puke?

Posted on October 21, 2015December 19, 2015 by Camille Lemieux

For those of you who already can’t remember, October 9, 2015 was Lake Forest College’s Homecoming weekend where, celebrating our Forester pride, students welcomed alums, hoped for victory against Knox, and of course…had a fun, safe, and clean good time. The weekend started out on a seemingly normal note with activities such as playing the animated film “Inside Out” on the quad, fireworks over Young Hall, bonfires, and live music accompanied by complimentary snacks. As…

Harvey Cain and Forest Gump Have a Nice Lil’ Conversation

Posted on October 21, 2015December 19, 2015 by Camille Lemieux

If you are affiliated with Lake Forest College in any way and haven’t heard of Harvey Cain (aka the old dude who rode his bike 3,000 miles from Sacramento, California to Lake Forest College to raise hella money for student scholarships), then you should slap yo’self in the face with a Ruben sandwich. Nah, don’t do that. Ruben’s sandwiches are too beautiful to hit yo ugly face (to those it may concern: Like, I’ve never seen…

Archaeologist Dates the Caf’s Grilled Cheese to 602AD

Posted on September 29, 2015December 19, 2015 by Jack Loessberg

Members of the Archaeological Institute of America have come from all over to investigate an artifact found in Lake Forest College’s very own cafeteria: the “grilled cheese.” If you regularly visit the Gus and Margie Hart Dining Hall to preserve your Flex for the end of the year (which if you don’t, you should, trust me), you know that there are some foods that the cafeteria offers on a daily basis. Some of these foods…

Your Mom Definitely Heard That Party in the Background

Posted on September 29, 2015December 19, 2015 by Jack Loessberg

The Stentor has just received insider information that yes, in fact, your mom could absolutely tell you were not in the library last night. Without revealing any names, this reporter can confirm that there is no way your mother was fooled by your talk of “papers,” “study groups,” and “just being really busy this week.” When asked, your mom revealed she first suspected you were not being entirely honest with her when she “heard that…

New Sleep System Ensures Perfect Attendance and Grades

Posted on April 21, 2015December 20, 2015 by Jack Loessberg

A morning class is a commitment for many students. It requires preparing your assignments the day before, a consistent bedtime, and avoiding caffeine a few hours before sleep. The practicality of this method, however, is paradoxical, because a college student, by nature, is attracted to a continuous state of procrastination, and the bragging rights he or she gains from pulling serial “all-nighters.” Thankfully, the night owls of the Calvin Durand Hall, colloquially called the “Wood…

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