The Article below was published in Vol. 136, Issue 8 of the Lake Forest College Stentor on April 30, 2021.
Sergio Bardesi-Texocotitla ’22
Staff Writer
As Lake Forest College struggles with assuaging concerns and fears about the COVID-19 pandemic, one student in particular has developed an ingenious solution. I asked Showa de Vaccinas ’21 for more details about his perfect plot. “First, we will require that ALL Foresters receive the vaccine! How will we prove this extremely important information? Each Forester will be required to submit a SELFIE of themselves with their vaccine card. We will then collect all of them into an alphabetically-organized, hot pink, bear-shaped pamphlet which will be airdropped on the front steps of every Forester Family’s residence,” said de Vaccinas.
When I pressed de Vaccinas on how he planned on airdropping these leaflets, he confidently replied, “O’Hare’s president [commissioner Jamie Rhee] hasn’t replied to my dozens of emails. But, as soon as he lays eyes on my master plan, I am certain that he’ll give me his best pilots for an unbeatable wage–$15.00 an hour!”
I reached out to Rhee for comments. Rhee has not responded. I speculate that commissioner Rhee may be busy running O’Hare airport in the midst of this pandemic. I am unsure.
Nonetheless, Forester students have fallen in love with de Vaccinas’ idea. I asked Lake Forest senior Sel “Fae” Taykerh ’21 for his thoughts. “It’s so perfect! I don’t even have to do any extra work. Like, Showa [de Vaccinas] can just take the best selfie from any one of my three instagrams—my public, my finsta, or even my friends-only finsta!” Taykerh’s enthusiasm is remarkable, and his effort admirable. De Vaccinas will undoubtedly have an easy time engaging socialites like Taykerh.
Besides commissioner Rhee’s silence, de Vaccinas has been struggling with another problem that prevents him from populating the hot-pink pamphlet with pictures: those rare few students that choose to be radical, remote recluses that are rather difficult to reach. I reached Noone (pronounced “none”) Ofyabusines ’21 via messenger bird in order to arrange an interview in the local shadows. Ofyabusiness explained her Lovecraftian powers: “My homeschooling provided me such wondrous classes such as blending in with the wall… [my] aura is like a black hole for power because it absorbs energy from fugly, photo-hungry phones around me.” Coincidently, I was not able to capture the rest of the conversation because my phone’s battery died after Ofyabusiness’ statement.
Graduation is creeping up quickly. Will de Vaccinas’ selfie pamphlet come to light? De Vaccinas sure hopes so—he already has a rough draft with crudely drawn stick figures filling in for missing students. He even managed a perfect likeness of President Schutt—I have complete confidence that this remarkable student will be able to fill the seats of this year’s graduation!
