In an attempt to limit the consumption of alcohol, public safety at Lake Forest College will force the campus to be dry starting in August 2015. “With Lake Forest College being such a dry campus already, we figure taking away that right for students of age simply makes sense,” one public safety officer said.
Now, most students at the college refrain from the consumption of alcohol, with the exception of a few over-21 students. Since drinking is in no way a social activity for students, there is no retaliation or breaking of this rule to be expected.
However, there are a few students of age that have some varying views about this new rule. “I mean, I like the idea of this campus being dry. Even though I’m 22, I miss the thrill of drinking when I’m not technically supposed to. It would be nice to sneak a beer at Boomer’s or hide in a corner drinking at the ACP,” says Clara Brass ’15.
“Quite frankly, I’m ecstatic about this new rule. I have a free ride to the College, but I’m drowning in debt from weekly damage charges in Moore,” says Anthony Sawyer ’16. With this new rule in effect, public safety will also be adding some severe punishments for any rule-breakers.
“If a student of any age is found to be drinking, their elevator rights will be taken away. No more being incredibly lazy and taking the elevator to the third floor of Young, or taking an elevator when they are too inebriated to walk. We will find and punish offenders,” a particularity salty public safety officer reports.
Along with tightened rules, each suite with more than three people is to be required to have a Designated Party Pooper, a suitemate who simply cannot handle any excitement in the suite. This rule is expected to stop parties in suites and increase quiet hostility in roommates.
So, students, there is only a month left before the semester is over. Take advantage of the time left before this change is enacted, because this campus will soon be drier than a desert.
Disclaimer: All stories in The Chive are works of fiction. People involved in the stories may not have knowledge of their involvement. This section is meant to serve as a humorous break from the daily grind.
