Late last Sunday afternoon, 75 percent of Lake Forest College students realized with horror that it was way too late to make up those participation points. It was during the usual homework hours following the hangoverfueled cafeteria brunch that the victims remembered their class syllabi stashed away in a pocket of their notebook. Chaos ensued. Students on every floor of the library were seen hurriedly smoothing out crumpled and forgotten class schedules and frantically scanning pages for some glimpse of salvation. Many students scrambled to their iPhone calendars to verify that the semester was, indeed, more than halfway over.
Experts on Participation Points said that many students involved in the incident had not even realized how many classes they had missed. “It was only after I looked at the syllabus when I noticed that I only remembered lectures on every other chapter. But, I thought I had to have been there for more periods than that. I knew I was being graded on my participation,” one perpetrator was caught saying. “I have been weeping over my agenda since I got here,” another confessed. “How was I to know the semester would go by this fast?”
Public Safety officers campus-wide were called in to try to calm the situation after one particularly distraught student began frantically emailing their professor begging for extra credit opportunities. “The situation has escalated quite a bit since noon…We have at least 30 new cases of students who realized their grades were in jeopardy after receiving word from their friends via both iMessage and Facebook messenger. Our plan, as of now, is to keep students away from the 24-hour lab for the professors’ protection.
“If things worsen, we will take a step toward shutting down Outlook Webmail,” an officer on the scene assured. President Schutt has as yet to make an official comment on the library riots at this time, but an inside source leaked that he fears the remaining 25 percent of students will soon realize that they will be receiving C+ grades.
