Chive - Stentor

Single Girl’s Guide to Valentine’s Day

Posted on February 9, 2016February 13, 2016 by Camille Lemieux

Valentine’s Day is nearly upon us–hide your kids, hide your wife, hide your husband, hide your heart, and, most importantly, hide your wallet. They’re coming. Last year I just barely escaped the smothering sticky sweet smell that seems to foretell the impending doom of this holiday. This year I’m fortifying my ramparts. “My manager told me that every year we’re mobbed by anxious husbands and boyfriends in crazed frenzies and on the brink of emotional meltdowns….

A Letter to Rain

Posted on February 9, 2016February 13, 2016 by Camille Lemieux

Dear Rain, You ran train today rain, you wasn’t pourin’ dat liquid like a little girl’s lemonade, stand, you wasn’t on dat once ary hour, youse was pourin’ all day from beginning to, ay- nd, use was on dat long ass shower, Y’all know what I’m talkin’ bout, Dem showers when use was a teenager and yuh moms was yelling, “Hey you’re usin’ up all dat hot wata, your sista has a date wit da hottest/richest…

Student Disappears Under Pile of Discarded Scarves and Hats in Overly Warm Classroom

Posted on February 9, 2016February 13, 2016 by Camille Lemieux

After a grueling hour and a half search, the College has finally located a missing student—a student whose disappearance had perplexed the entire campus. Having seemingly vanished, the student went missing from class without a trace. Lake Forest staff and students thought he was gone forever and were at a total loss regarding where he could have gone. But, sometimes, miracles happen. At Lake Forest, the impossible can always become possible. The boy was found buried…

Finals Week Stats

Posted on December 6, 2015February 9, 2016 by Jack Loessberg

It’s Way Too Late To Make Up Those Participation Points

Posted on December 6, 2015February 10, 2016 by Jack Loessberg

Late last Sunday afternoon, 75 percent of Lake Forest College students realized with horror that it was way too late to make up those participation points. It was during the usual homework hours following the hangoverfueled cafeteria brunch that the victims remembered their class syllabi stashed away in a pocket of their notebook. Chaos ensued. Students on every floor of the library were seen hurriedly smoothing out crumpled and forgotten class schedules and frantically scanning…

Is this offensive? “Maybe so”

Posted on December 6, 2015February 10, 2016 by Jack Loessberg

We all got that email from Dean Flot a few weeks ago. Some people are taking serious issue with the “Pocahontas and John Smith” party held on campus, and I am too. Can you believe the nerve of some people? The outright DISRESPECT of some people? They didn’t even invite me!!!!! What the hell???? I’m cool, I’m fun, I’m willing to perpetuate hurtful stereotypes until I throw up! I am trying to approach this from…

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