Chive - Stentor

The Freshmen Fifteen Claims Another Victim

Posted on November 29, 2016January 3, 2017 by Camille Lemieux

This November, students across the country are returning to their childhood homes to celebrate Thanksgiving with their family and engage in passive-aggressive criticism. One student in particular, Erin Fresh ’20, returned home to her parent’s house in Ohio. There, Erin was greeted by her siblings, who looked disdainfully happy to see her. Upon searching for her dogs to cuddle with, she swallowed the realization that her beloved pups had forgotten about her. Erin then encountered…

Founding Fathers From the Grave: “No, Not Like That!”

Posted on November 8, 2016January 3, 2017 by Camille Lemieux

It has been reported that during Halloween weekend, the corpses of America’s founding fathers were lurking around campus, moaning, “We already made America great, now shut up so we can sleep!” It was a normal Halloween weekend on campus, and everyone was getting ready for a night of party hopping because obviously, one has to make several stops before hitting the Halloween ACP. The fishnets of naughty nurse costumes were sliding on, the millennials were…

The Candidates: Pros and Cons

Posted on November 8, 2016January 3, 2017 by Camille Lemieux

Election day is upon us! Before you race on over to the polls to conduct the most heart-wrenching and futile vote of your life, it’s important that you weigh the pros and cons of each candidate. Lucky for you, I’m here to share all the juicy factoids that could help you change your support from the worst candidate to the slightly less terrible one! Let’s go! Donald Trump Pro: His tiny hands make it…

Man Votes; It Matters

Posted on November 8, 2016January 3, 2017 by Camille Lemieux

Matt is a regular guy. He has a job. He loves his dog. He says “no homo” unnecessarily after regular male-to-male interactions. He’s a regular guy. But Matt…Matt voted. And it mattered. It was Matt’s first election voting. He finally registered to vote online a few months after his girlfriend reminded him to do so. On Election Day, he went to the polling place. He only knew where to go because his mom texted him…

Everyday Is A Debate: Facebook Profiles of Candidate Supporters

Posted on November 8, 2016January 3, 2017 by Camille Lemieux

’Tis that joyous time of year when you learn via Facebook that your cousin’s ex-boyfriend is super politically engaged, and by super politically engaged we mean well-informed in click-bait articles and politically incorrect memes. The best part about Facebook profiles is that you know immediately whom that person is voting for based on a few key components. This means that you can automatically judge that person to the proper degree based on a quick glance…

That Guy Who Talks Politics At Parties Strikes Again

Posted on November 8, 2016January 3, 2017 by Camille Lemieux

“That guy,” whose name everyone on campus made efforts to forget, expressed himself politically to the attendees at a Halloween party and created a tense atmosphere amongst partygoers. It all started when he walked into a party dressed in a suit that was too small for him. “I asked him what he was for Halloween, and he said he was the shrinking middle class,” said Sonya, a senior dressed as a schoolgirl. “I laughed because…

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