Chive - Stentor

Gates Center Reports Spending 50% of Time Windexing Doors

Posted on April 21, 2016April 21, 2016 by Jack Loessberg

Ever walk through the Student Center and wonder why your grandparents’ patio doors lead to one of the most influential offices on this campus? Ever wonder what the Gates Center does behind those completely clear doors? Ever wonder how the heck they keep those things so dang clean? Wonder no more! The Stentor was given a special VIP pass behind those completely clear doors, and we are here to share it with you. This reporter…

A Cure for Napping has been Found!

Posted on April 21, 2016 by Jack Loessberg

Yesterday, there was a discovery into the epidemic known as “Napping.” A cure has been found, and that cure is Red Bull. Researchers at NAP Labs (Narcoleptic and Asleep People) discovered an anomaly at Lake Forest College. This anomaly was none other than Rebecca Howell ’17, an avid consumer of Red Bull, who has not slept since January 2016. Howell, when asked to comment, said that “sleep is for pussies,” then promptly flipped a table…

Student Prays for the Sweet Release of Death After a Long Night of Drinking

Posted on March 24, 2016March 24, 2016 by Jack Loessberg

LAKE FOREST, IL— This morning, after a heroic battle against the worst f@*%ing hangover of his life, Alan Goodman ’17 has lost the will to live. Goodman spent last night celebrating his twenty-first birthday at the Lantern with enough alcohol to take down a bull elephant. The group left campus at around 10:30 p.m. and walked to the venue. What started out as a fun night out quickly got out of hand when someone took…

The Wood Lounge

Posted on March 24, 2016March 24, 2016 by Jack Loessberg

In 1962, Lake Forest College students Roof Cecil 64’ (the coolest/slickest kid in the school) and Latchkey Lisping Lenard 63’ (his awkward lisping best friend) were in the library and came across the endeared Lake Forest College poem, “Wood You Lounge With Me?” written by Alexander Cunnings, class of 1869. Latchkey Lisping Lenard (aka 3L’s) read the poem out loud to Roof Cecil (aka R.C). 3L’s: “Wood you lounge withhh me? Wood you pal…

Lake Forest College Embarrassed by Lightweight Drinkers at Winter Formal

Posted on March 22, 2016 by Jack Loessberg

The College has issued a statement of apology to its fellow party schools, attempting to explain the poor display of alcohol tolerance at last weekend’s Winter Formal. After complaints from Venue Six10 custodian staff about the volume of vomit, discouraged administrators felt the need to address this breach of college etiquette. Lake Forest College has a proud history of riotous behavior due to excessive alcoholic consumption, but this last weekend’s turn of events tarnished Lake…

Texan Student Terrified of Snow

Posted on March 22, 2016 by Jack Loessberg

Chinophobia: the crippling fear of frozen precipitation. While this word may not mean a whole lot to the average Illinoisan, it means everything to one special forester here on our campus in winter. Today, we tackle a story of fear and loss. Bruce Holtman is a freshman here on campus, hailing from Arlington, Texas. Like all eager young souls ready to begin their journey here at Lake Forest College, he arrived for New Student Orientation…

« 1 … 11 12 13 14 15 … 20 »