Has social media ruined the perception of love for Gen Z?

Love bombing, the three-month rule, honeymoon phase, situationships, soft/hard launches.

These are all contemporary dating terms that Gen Z has become familiar with through social media. Dating has become viral in association with these terms, and that is exactly what is wrong, especially in the month that features Valentine’s Day. 

These terms have also led to the creation of rules in relationships. Love has become a trend that everyone participates in, drifting away from growth between two people. Social media has turned love into content; soft launches, TikTok couples, and Instagram milestones shift the focus from intimacy and genuine connection to aesthetics, social validation, and view counts. 

The influence of social media on relationships has made it harder for 18-year-old Hayden McGlynn, a first-year at Lake Forest College, to actually be in the moment and enjoy the time he shares with his partner.

“From a man’s perspective, when planning dates, I have to take into account which place would be more aesthetically pleasing rather than thinking which place has the better food,” said McGlynn. 

Take the infamous “situationships” as an example. Situationships have become a confusing status. They exist as a stage between being an official couple and being friends. It could be sexual or romantic, but its main component is that it lacks clear commitment. They allow people to participate in couple-like activities without carrying the responsibility of being in a relationship. 

However, this fuels an unnecessary amount of anxiety for this generation’s lives and leads individuals to self-sabotage a potential relationship. Ask someone today why their date did not go well, and they probably have a list of “icks” . These vary from placing one’s phone face down on a table (this implies secrets) to talking too much about an ex-partner.

“I once blocked a person I went on a date with, because he asked me to pay for the food,” freshman Marina Maravillas, 18, said.

When older generations like parents or grandparents are asked how they dated as young people, their stories rarely include anything Gen Z would consider “an ick.” 

Their relationships were not dictated by random strangers on TikTok questioning their dating life. They did not have social media trends to keep up with. They fell in love by actively pursuing and engaging with one another through real-life activities and intimacy, through all of its ups and downs.

Eric Fromm’s “The Art of Loving” argues that most people view love through a passive lens. Love is somehow out there, somewhere, for people to stumble upon. This causes people to try to make themselves as lovable as possible, rather than simply practicing love itself. Instead of asking “How do I love?” people end up asking. “How do I become loved?” 

This mentality supports Fromm’s idea that the main task of relationships has become about the elevation of one’s market value.

Fromm says that ,in a culture shaped by the marketing orientation, people even start to see themselves as commodities, continuously enhancing their “package” to be selected. This turns love into a competitive search for the best deal, instead of giving, showing empathy, and being committed to the development of another. This dynamic built by social media makes it difficult to build deep and lasting relationships because connection is measured by possibility and desirability instead of emotional presence and care.

Gen Z also thinks that they have a lot of options. They are constantly bombarded with advice on how to maintain a “healthy” relationship, prioritizing how the relationship is presented in the media. The perception that there is always someone hotter, wealthier, or more well-curated just a swipe away makes it easy to feel replaceable, paranoid, and generally “not enough”. It can also make it easy to be inauthentic in relationships.

“I have heard advice to act uninterested, even if I am interested,” Maravillas said.

Unattainable standards set by social media figures also contribute to this issue. These standards include being available 24/7 or the other person will feel unwanted, expectations of digital fidelity, public affirmation, etc. Influencers or online personalities often present curated versions of their relationships that appear effortless, constantly validated, and intensely connected. These type of examples can lead to the blurring of healthy boundaries. People may begin to feel anxious if they get a late reply from their partner, compare their relationship to the ones in their phones, or measure their partner’s love through social media behavior rather than real-life. Mistrust, insecurities, emotional strains can appear in relationships as a result of this. 

New, often unspoken rules for relationships can also be seen emerging from social media, such as not liking Instagram stories posted by individuals of the gender one is attracted to. Young men are expected to pay for all date nights, bring flowers, and remember every single detail about their partner, while young women are expected not to have male friends or wear too much makeup. When such standards are placed on young people, they start to find love exhausting because it starts to be given from a place of desperation, instead of a place of abundance. 

What tends to be lost in social media is the fact that others should not be used by people as an external outlet to pour themselves into. The internal human need to fill a void within themselves is born from a lack of self-love. Loving someone more will not give them the ability to fill that emptiness within one as the only person responsible for your fulfillment is you. 

Social media has encouraged being in romantic relationships without encouraging the responsibility that comes with it. It has started to use love as an excuse to avoid the emptiness people feel without the warmth of another person, which is also an outcome of the unattainable standards set by social media. 

Social media has created so many rules to be followed in order to be in a “perfect and healthy” relationship. Ultimately, every person has control over their own relationship and love life. This also means that one can choose to let social media hold power over their relationship or let themselves love freely. 

Love is not the butterflies one feels in their stomach; it is the decision to stay committed to that person after the butterflies are gone. Buy them flowers, go out on dates, be cringe, and most importantly, be genuine. After all, love is not a game, so why are there so many rules?