Chive

Disclaimer: All stories in The Chive are works of fiction. People involved in the stories may not have knowledge of their involvement. This section is meant to serve as a humorous break from the daily grind.

“Student Finds Out He Can’t Use Laptop in Class: Drops Class After First Day”

Posted on by Matthew Demirs
“Student Finds Out He Can’t Use Laptop in Class: Drops Class After First Day”

Some students in the class say he screamed “that’s bullshit” as he whipped his Alienware gaming laptop into his book bag. Others report him flipping over his desk in rage and displaying proudly his fingerless gloves as he gave his professor the bird. Whatever happened, it’s apparent that one student was not pleased to learn he couldn’t have his laptop in class. The course was Philosophy 113: The Dangers of Computers in Modern Society, and…

Read More

Illuminati Really Screwed This One Up

Posted on by Camille Lemieux
Illuminati Really Screwed This One Up

For many years, I have trusted the Illuminati to guide our nation and our world. I have fully put my faith in the all-seeing eye of the Illuminati, and on Tuesday, November 8, it let me down. What the HELL, Illuminati? Did you lose control? Is this part of your plan for the end of days? If Donald Trump is a member of the Illuminati, I will be very disappointed. How can an organization run…

Read More

How to Get Through the Political Part of the Holidays

Posted on by Camille Lemieux
How to Get Through the Political Part of the Holidays

The holidays are regarded as the most wonderful time of the year. If you haven’t noticed, this year has been absolute shit, so the holidays coming up are also going to be bad. Why is that? Well, let me give you a simple math problem to solve: (The political atmosphere surrounding a reunion with your extended family) + (Donald Trump winning the election) = ___________________________ Now, before you freak out, take a few deep breaths…

Read More

New Disease “Procrastination” Sweeps Campus

Posted on by Camille Lemieux
New Disease “Procrastination” Sweeps Campus

Attention All Students! The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has declared Lake Forest College a quarantine zone! The CDC has released the following statement in response to an increase of bedsore-related hospital visits. “We believe that there is an unidentified pathogen affecting mostly late teen and early 20-year olds who live in close proximity to each other and eat terrible food. Due to the rapid spreading of this disease, we encourage all people…

Read More

Empathy for Professors’ Complaints About Grading Papers at an All-Time Low

Posted on by Camille Lemieux
Empathy for Professors’ Complaints About Grading Papers at an All-Time Low

The semester is winding down, folks. That means a whole lot of cramming, a whole lot of coffee, and a whole lot of sleepless nights procrastinating on YouTube. It also means a whole lot of papers; papers that we’ve known about since the beginning of the year, but we haven’t had the willpower to address—like a leaky faucet or that dead goldfish floating belly up in the bowl sitting in the corner of your dorm….

Read More
1 … 5 6 7 8 9 … 20