We all know a successful college life involves alcohol, be it at a party, while writing a paper, or when waking up in the morning. We also know that America has ridiculous laws regarding legal drinking age. Yet, water of Gods is a wonderful thing, and it would be a pity to be deprived of its pleasures because of such a trivial thing as age.
Learning how to enjoy and be discreet with your desires is the first step toward being a successful grown-up. The first enemy when it comes to underage college students is the RA, and we don’t want to have any incriminatory evidence found during a random room check, do we? So let’s learn how to hide the alcohol bottles from your RA and RD.
It is important to be discreet and classy.
1) Put your wine bottles on your desk. Since alcohol bottles are somewhat similar to chameleons, they will merge with their environment and look just like an ordinary pencil case to the eyes of your RA.
2) Get a pack of green herbs, preferably ones that smell strongly of cannabis plants, and put it next to the bottle you are trying to hide. Your RA will be too busy wondering if cannabis leaves are supposed to be clover-shaped to notice the bottle, and you will get to enjoy your glass of pleasure whenever you wish.
3) Put a piece of dirty underwear on top of your bottles of alcohol. The more colorful, the better. Hide in a corner and enjoy the reactions of disgust you will get from the visitors to your room.
4) Write a sticky note that says, “This is my water bottle.” Personalized water bottles are the new trend!
5) Put the bottle on your bed. Since it is such an obvious place, no one is going to bother looking for it there.
6) Write “It’s not alcohol” on all of your bottles and cups. If you get questions, offer to drink all of the contents in front of them.
7) If you have transparent drinks, pour them in a fish tank. Get a few plastic fish and place them in the tank. There’s nothing wrong with having a fish, right?
8) Put candles in the shape of a circle around the bottle. Light the candles. Tell them you’re summoning Satan. They will run away in fear without further questions.
9) Tell them you’re Russian and that this is the water you normally drink at home. Offer to show your family tree and photos from family gatherings, if the questions persist. They don’t want to be culturally insensitive, do they?
10) Pour it in your kettle. If you need more space for the alcohol, buy more kettles. If asked, say it’s detox tea.
