As the votes pour in and the final polls get counted, they show a sharp increase in support for third-party candidates like Gary Johnson and Jill Stein.
Dr. Jill Stein has carried the stoners for most of the election, most likely because they thought the Green Party had more to do with weed than it actually does. Recent polls, however, have shown that more and more stoners are switching over to the Libertarian Party candidate, Gary Johnson.
When asked “why” during the polling process, their response was, “Why? Are you a cop? You’re not a cop, right? You have to tell me if you’re a cop.”
The stoner vote carries weight in many places like Colorado, California, and your aunt and uncle’s basement where your cousin still lives even though he is a 27-year-old—get it together, Darrick!
But what is more surprising is that in these final polls, there has been a return of support for Gary Johnson by his family. Since August, polls had shown that Johnson’s family had switched their support to other, more popular, political parties, leaving Johnson with little internal support, crippling his campaign for several weeks in mid-September.
Some analysts have credited this factor to Johnson’s inability to remember any foreign leaders’ names, claiming he was too distraught over his partner, Kate Prusack, abandoning his party. Other political analysts credited this blunder to Johnson “just not being very good at running for president.”
This resurgence of support from his family, as well from a substantial amount of the stoners, is surely going to be ineffective in the election.
The largest group supporting these candidates is the uninformed, a group that has been speculated to be anywhere from 9 percent of the electorate to a whopping everyone. This group includes people from all walks of life, from UFO conspiracy theorists to the women in California who think vaccines are bad for you because a B-list celebrity said so on television.
However, there is much debate on what makes a voter uninformed. Many Trump and Clinton supporters claim their opponent’s supporters are uninformed. But they at least knew about their own candidate. Sixty percent of Jill Stein supporters were unaware that she was a doctor, and 95 percent of Johnson supporters were unaware that he was a man.
In response to questions about the debate, most of the uninformed didn’t know what it was or made a joke about being a “master-debater,” in some crude attempt to make a sexual pun on the presidential election.
Even as these three groups give their support to the third-party candidates, we must remember that, in the end, these politicians have nowhere near enough support to win this election. And regardless of whether you go third party or vote for a major party, this election has been just another giant sexual pun.
