Election day is upon us! Before you race on over to the polls to conduct the most heart-wrenching and futile vote of your life, it’s important that you weigh the pros and cons of each candidate. Lucky for you, I’m here to share all the juicy factoids that could help you change your support from the worst candidate to the slightly less terrible one! Let’s go!
Donald Trump
Image Source: Pixabay
Pro: His tiny hands make it harder for him to press a detonation button. That’ll help us avoid a lot of nuclear wars.
Con: He is very susceptible to wind and having his hair get blown away.
Pro: He loves China. He also “beats China all the time,” but nobody knows what that means.
Con: He doesn’t have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame anymore.
Pro: Trump is best buddies with Vladimir Putin. They hang out a lot.
Con: The fact that he has his own tower pretty much confirms that he’s a super villain bent on taking over the world.
Pro: He has his own line of hats.
Con: He most likely bathes in children’s tears, and the sweat of his workers.
Pro: Trump Tower Grill has the best Taco Bowls around!
Con: He has been frequently compared to “Dr. Evil,” or an ear of corn.
Pro: He is a big time television star. Huuuuge.
Con: He was very mean to our buddy Jeb Bush and made him cry.
Hillary Clinton
Image Source: Pixabay
Pro: She’s really good at lying.
Con: …She’s really good at lying.
Pro: She knows how to speak reptilian and can communicate with demons from outer-realms. We can use these skills in future, spell-based, wartime endeavors.
Con: She’s suspected to be an android.
Pro: Clinton is very, very down with the dank memes of today.
Con: She can steal the souls of mortals with her wide-eyed smile.
Pro: BILL, BILL, BILL.
Con: She will attempt to “whip” and “nae-nae” at inappropriate times.
Pro: She’s good at removing clutter from her emails!
Con: She will drop most of her presidential budget on $600 haircuts.
Pro: She can rock a pantsuit. She’ll always look fly AF on camera.
Con: She doesn’t have as wild of hand gestures as Trump or Bernie. As such, she’s not as fun to watch.
So there you have it, guys. These are the big points that I personally think we should all consider before making our ultimate choice on Election Day. It’s been a long campaign season, and at this point, I’m sure everyone has had enough of the slander, the scandals, and the scams. Let’s get this election under way and end the pain we’ve all been feeling as audience members to Trump and Hillary’s wacky antics. Let us not forget, we brought this shit-storm of cringiness upon ourselves.
