“That guy,” whose name everyone on campus made efforts to forget, expressed himself politically to the attendees at a Halloween party and created a tense atmosphere amongst partygoers. It all started when he walked into a party dressed in a suit that was too small for him.
“I asked him what he was for Halloween, and he said he was the shrinking middle class,” said Sonya, a senior dressed as a schoolgirl. “I laughed because I thought it was a clever costume, and he just said ‘It’s always funny until you’re stuck paying for the financial mess the baby boomers leave you’.”
“That guy” continued to spread his political views on everyone at the party, covering a span of topics from the Iran deal to Kylie Jenner’s third ex-boy toy. Occasionally, the conversations would lull just long enough to create an uncomfortable moment.
“I had a cup full of Jim Beam in my hand, and ‘that guy’ comes up to me and just snags it and throws it into a bag,” said Stephen, a sophomore dressed as a baked potato. “He was telling people he was doing it because the workers are on strike and that he does not want to be a product of dirty capitalism.”
At other points during the night, “that guy” would interrupt innocent conversations to push political points and shame people’s ideals.
“All we were doing was discussing Stranger Things, when ‘that guy’ just pushes into our conversation and says ‘You have theories on why people don’t give a shit about Barb, but you don’t have any idea how the U.S. will pay its $19.5 trillion debt?’” said Rich, a junior dressed as a Powerpuff Girl. “Then he just went on and on about how we didn’t know anything about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and Syrian children dying and the whole thing with Anthony Weiner’s penis; it was just a lot.”
The partygoers were beginning to feel tense around “that guy,” and the tension reached its peak when he clamored on the beer pong table mid-game to address the crowd.
“When he first started talking, I was really tense, but then he started calling us ‘uneducated undecided swine’ and said that ‘Trump will be a disaster for this country.’ That’s when everyone yelled, ‘We fucking know already,’” said Sonya. “I guess people were just tired of all his political spew when we just wanted to get completely trashed before Monday morning.”
After “that guy’s” address, he was never seen again. But the lesson remains: no one should be like “that guy” on Election Day. So, for once, just let us get shit-faced without having to think about what’s going on. That is our secret; we KNOW what is going on. Why else do you think we want to get shit-faced today and possibly the next four years?
