chive – the Stentor

The Real Depressing Truth About Lake Forest College Spring Break

Posted on March 2, 2019 by Stentor Staff Writer

By Esther Kim ‘22 Staff Writer I always imagine blue skies and sandy beaches when people talk about “Spring Break.” People post plenty of swimsuit pictures and a plethora of parties on their Instagram feed. Especially in Lake Forest, spring is a time where beautiful slush litters the ground. I always eagerly wait for the flood of blurry Snapchat videos and the slurred screeches of celebration to fill my room. The duck face is definitely…

Animals Sound Off On Climate Change

Posted on November 18, 2018 by Stentor Staff Writer

By Isaac Winter ’20 Staff Writer The animals of America released a statement earlier this week regarding their position on climate change in response to the report released by the UN Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change saying that governments have 10 years to make “‘unprecedented changes in all aspects of society” to save the world from climate change. In full, their statement reads: “We, the animals of America, are tired of being fetishized by the…

Joel Osteen Claims He’s The Second Coming Of Noah And The Ark

Posted on October 18, 2017 by Stentor Staff Writer

By ISAAC WINTER’20 STAFF WRITER Joel Osteen looked outside his office window as Hurricane Harvey flooded Houston, Texas. “The way I see it, God gave me a basketball arena and turned it into a church. Then, he took my church and turned it into an ark. Finally, he gave me a flood. I looked at my wife and said, ‘Hell, honey, I’m the Second Coming of Noah and the Ark! We got the humans covered….

Swole, Intimidating Guy At The Gym Loves Hugs And Puppies

Posted on April 4, 2017April 9, 2017 by Camille Lemieux

The weight room feels like you stepped off the Metra in a neighborhood you shouldn’t be in. It can be quite intimidating lifting 15-pound dumbbells next to a guy who is lifting the entire rack of weights with his foot as he cranks out 40 chin-ups. But how intimidating are these people, in reality? I went around the gym looking for someone to give me some answers, and after encountering a guy listening to Nordic…

The White House is in Good Hands – Obama’s Hands

Posted on April 4, 2017April 9, 2017 by Camille Lemieux

Donald Trump was sitting in the oval office when he heard the familiar chug of his HP Officejet Pro 8610 printer. He was befuddled, as he hadn’t pressed the little blue “print” button on his laptop like his assistant had taught him last week. Still sitting in his wheelie chair, he shuffled over to the printer. A single paper had been produced. It said: “your Pop-Tarts are burning.” The mysteriously omnipotent printer was right! Trump,…

Flex Dollars Wanted, Pizza Bagels Needed

Posted on April 4, 2017April 9, 2017 by Camille Lemieux

Crisis at Lake Forest College: students across campus are realizing that they’ve exhausted their Flex reserves and have zero dollars left in their accounts. This sweeping epidemic is unlike any dip in the Flex economy we’ve ever seen, with over 50 percent of students completely out of money. Maybe it was the new chili cheese fries at Boomer’s, or maybe it was the Red Bull necessary for counteracting a weekend of all-nighters and beer die….

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