Some students in the class say he screamed “that’s bullshit” as he whipped his Alienware gaming laptop into his book bag. Others report him flipping over his desk in rage and displaying proudly his fingerless gloves as he gave his professor the bird. Whatever happened, it’s apparent that one student was not pleased to learn he couldn’t have his laptop in class.
The course was Philosophy 113: The Dangers of Computers in Modern Society, and our hero was absolutely stunned to learn that there was a no electronics policy in the classroom. It seems his astounding logical thinking skills (honed from hours of browsing r/atheism on Reddit) didn’t tip him off to the fact that this may not be the best course to increase his gaming skills.
I eventually got him to come sit down for an interview, and he was certainly an interesting character.
Dean: So, you were not happy with the fact that the syllabus said no electronic devices were permitted in class?
Student: Absolutely not. I was gonna use that time to grind up a couple characters in World of Warcraft, maybe do a little hacking, post some funny fanfiction to my favorite forums—but now it’s all totally wrecked.
Dean: I understand that you dropped the course, but did the professor even get to explain the material? Or did you just bail as soon as you heard you couldn’t play Dota 2 because you had to pay attention to the professor?
Student: I have an IQ over 170, which is well beyond that of Einstein. I get all of my education from books that I order from Tokyo and then translate using my comprehension of the Japanese language I garnered from watching obscene amounts of anime. I’m proficient with a katana and my bare fists. There isn’t anything this school can teach me—I’m always one step ahead.
* Here he did some sort of weird hat-trick with the fedora on his head, which was way too cringey and poorly executed to even describe. *
Dean: So, what are you gonna do with your free time now that you’re only taking three courses?
Student: I’m gonna keep working on my self-designed major in meme studies.
Dean: Every aspect of you disgusts me.
Student: You’re just jealous of my neckbeard.
Dean: I think you have Dorito dust in your neckbeard.
For my own sanity, I had to stop the interview there. Sure enough, after I told him we were done, he flipped another table and proceeded to shout something inaudible before charging away.
Lord only knows what his dorm is like, and what terrible, dark secrets it holds. Let us all come together and pray for his roommates.
