Tensions reached near-nuclear levels early on this year as two freshman girls have a stand-off inside their dorm room. Sara Klaus ’20 and her roommate, Maddie McMaderson ’20, are for the first time in their lives sharing a room with someone else.
The clash between these two originated in a clash of ideology. Sara is clean and neat, while Maddie lives in what this reporter can only describe as a pig sty that’s been abandoned and now occupied by some teens who have started to hang out there. There’s graffiti and broken glass, and it’s just really bad.
This struggle is only exacerbated by each students having been spoiled by their parents, so compromise was never a thing they learned. Truly a recipe for disaster.
Neither party could be reached for questioning. Sara’s Snapchat stories speak for themselves, consisting only of rants about her roommate and long descriptions of how annoying she is. It has gotten so bad that we’ve all either stopped watching them completely or, at the very least, we watch them without sound.
Their neighbors, who have asked to remain nameless, had a lot to say. One said that she is “fully #TeamMaddie ‘cause Sara is, like, totes cray-cray.” A young man who lives below them said, “You can feel the chill in that room all the way through the floor. Or is it the ceiling? Whoa, it’s like a floor is just somebody else’s ceiling. Man that’s weird.”
Upon interviewing several more (less interesting) people, it became clear that not only was the room split in two, so was the building.
Earlier this week, a press conference was held in the room. Many notable figures were in attendance, including friends, family, the RA’s, Dean Flot, and even me, which was surprising. At the conference, neither party ever spoke regardless of the question asked, each one maintaining an “I did nothing wrong attitude” that would be sure to lead to only more tension between the two.
Having had access to the room, the reports of a strip of tape splitting it in half, or as the locals have named it the “No Go Fo Sho zone,” can now be confirmed. Unfortunately, I can also confirm the rumors that Maddie’s growing pile of dirty gym clothes both reek of sweat and Cheetos and is beginning to drift dangerously close to Sara’s side.
It would appear that peace is nowhere in sight, as neither girl will admit that they are wrong or apologize, because it is something that they both have never had to do before. And neither understands why the other won’t apologize first.
Tonight not only their room, not only their floor, but their entire building is standing on a needle point. There is no chance of anyone getting any sleep as everyone is afraid, not of the silence, but of what will happen when it is broken.
