The Article below was published in Vol. 137, Issue 1 of the Lake Forest College Stentor on September 17, 2021.
By Sergio Bardesi-Texocotitla ’22
A&E Editor and Chive Editor
“We were sitting down, Snoop Dogg in the background, getting ready to smoke a bowl mixed with wax…and we were already kind of gone because of some strong brownies my friend got us. Anyways, that stupid, buzzing alarm in my room started to go off right after we lit up. Next thing I knew, some officers were knocking at my door asking us about the smell,” Mary Jane ’22 recollected.
Lamentably, like stoners do, Jane and her friends passed the communal bong all night long. Except this past weekend, the communal bong became almost like a Bat Signal. Instead of a summoner of justice, it was the skunky scent of pot that summoned Public Safety officers to the scene. Our lads and ladies in blue put an end to this blaze session with zero injuries, but they did harsh the vibe.
Public Safety official Servine Anne Protectine responded, “I have never, in my entire career, smelt so much weed since my terrier got skunked to death. RIP to my most beloved tender bud. Beautiful boy only ran in zigzags, like how I was running around this past weekend! It was horrible.”
Officer Protectine took a moment to collect herself, before delivering a final request: “For the stoners reading this, please…stop. Don’t do this here. Do it at home, at your friend’s home, just…anywhere but here.
Mary Jane left us with the following advice: “Dear Ganjians, remember this the next time your bestie wants to smoke. Point open fans to open windows and blast the smoke outside. Your RA will not suspect anything naughty, nor will the officers that patrol our campus.”
