Crisis at Lake Forest College: students across campus are realizing that they’ve exhausted their Flex reserves and have zero dollars left in their accounts. This sweeping epidemic is unlike any dip in the Flex economy we’ve ever seen, with over 50 percent of students completely out of money. Maybe it was the new chili cheese fries at Boomer’s, or maybe it was the Red Bull necessary for counteracting a weekend of all-nighters and beer die. Whatever caused the influx of spending, it’s clear that we’ve entered into a great depression of sorts—the “Flex Depression,” if you will.
People are becoming desperate. Upon returning from spring break, we’ve seen students resorting to all sorts of means in order to get vital snacks from the P.O.D. and Boomer’s. Beggars walk aimlessly through the Mohr Student Center, holding signs and extending empty cups to collect figurative money. Conspiracy theorists believe that Aramark is stealing flex from students to expand their reptilian empire. Protestors continue to demand that more money be placed into their accounts, denying the existence of the cafeteria as an alternate food source.
Students tried and failed to execute a heist on the P.O.D.—there is remarkable security camera footage of masked robbers attempting to break down the glass doors of the P.O.D. with the couches in Boomer’s Den. It’s apparent that this is no longer about P.O.D. sushi, pizza rolls, and Honey Buns. This truly is a life or death situation, with students resorting to any means necessary to survive.
Haunting images of students lying on the floor of the Student Center, weak and hungry, skipping their classes, playing games on their iPhones, trying desperately to summon the strength to fly their picket signs, will be burned into my psyche until I fade from this earth. The words “Flex Dollars Wanted, Pizza Bagels Needed” will stay with me forever.
A shantytown has formed in the Student Center, because, apparently, a lack of Flex Dollars means dorms are no longer viable living spaces. Go figure. These homeless students work together to survive and scavenge in the ravine for resources, like squirrels and raccoons.
If this story has touched you, choose to help the cause. Activists have come together under the name “Chicken Alpines for Everyone” (CAFE) in an attempt to raise Flex Dollars for the hungry. You can register at their website, and support a hungry college student in need. With your donations, you can change the lives of these students and get them back to lives of procrastination and partying again.
Now, more than ever, we need to come together and help pull one another out of this recession. No one should have to go without pizza bagels. Not on our campus.
