’Tis that joyous time of year when you learn via Facebook that your cousin’s ex-boyfriend is super politically engaged, and by super politically engaged we mean well-informed in click-bait articles and politically incorrect memes.
The best part about Facebook profiles is that you know immediately whom that person is voting for based on a few key components. This means that you can automatically judge that person to the proper degree based on a quick glance of their social media site.
“The Flag and PowerPoint” photo is the most recognizable of all political indicators on Facebook. This indicator originated at Dartmouth University in 2003 and has since been implemented into almost everyone’s social media sites.
Its distinguishing elements are, of course, an American flag and a group of youths pointing harshly towards the camera. Add points for red cups, discount beer cans, Chubby brand shorts, and snapbacks. The higher the points, the more likely these constituents are going to vote for Jill Stein and the Green Party because nothing says “I care about the environment” more than posing cheaply made beverage containers.
A Facebook page full of article links to Tasty videos and pictures of baked goods means the dire worst—they are write-in voters. Instead of choosing one of the two exquisite and perfect candidates, they will be choosing someone fictional or part of the Illuminati. They will scrawl “Pedro” or “Kanye” on their ballots. Do not get in a political discussion with this person. They are way too into politics and will talk your ear off with all the information they’ve gathered!
If you do happen to get into a discussion, there is one comment they may leave that is essentially a social media grenade: “I hope we can all just get along in the future #worldpeace.” They are monsters.
When it comes down to the real winners of the Facebook debate, you have to give it up for the truly informed—who post statistics constantly that everyone knows are extremely accurate since they come from the Internet.
They are the people who mention the necessity of funding important projects like NASA’s travels to Jupiter, and how America is the best state in the world. These people are the backbone of the electoral system. Their status about voting both excites us and reminds us that America can indeed be spelled without an A and with a U in the place of an E.
Thank you to these people for their constant stream of information on Facebook, and their comments about politics posted on distant relative’s selfies. How else would we ever know the true platforms of the candidates? These are the supporters, the incredible, wonderful supporters of Harambe for President. He was, in fact, gone too soon.
Is it really fair to decide a winner in the great Facebook debate? Who’s to say? The only thing that is certain is that Facebook is definitely a place for politics, and everyone and everything on the Internet is truly informed.
