Disclaimer: All stories in The Chive are works of fiction. People involved in the stories may not have knowledge of their involvement. This section is meant to serve as a humorous break from the daily grind.
It was a bleak and barren Sunday afternoon as I was walking to the caf to consume the nonbiodegradable paste there called “food.” As I strolled with my mid-section grumbling like the PTA, I stumbled upon a heap of chunky, viscous, and multicolored slob on the walkway behind Young Hall. “Amazing!” I said to myself as I got on my knees. “What kind of transmorphic substance is this?” The thick, yet runny, mush was an…
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The construction on the new science center has advanced quickly, but now the addition has been covered by a white tarp, concealing whatever is going on within. Many Foresters have resorted to their own conspiracy theories to provide answers for the phenomenon. The Chive’s mission is to produce the untold truths of Lake Forest College for its readers. So, naturally, we decided to dig into the mass of conspiracies through a survey and find the…
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This week, Cynthia Gutenberg ’19 marked her calendar for February 15, noting the date for half-priced chocolate sales. She plans to make her rounds at various North Shore Walgreens and CVS locations. She is single and staring down the barrel of February with hope. Cynthia has taken her pain to social media in hopes to seem relatable, as well as not so alone. Recently she tweeted, “So single it hurts.” It got five hearts. She…
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January 20, 2017 – a beautiful day for Americans everywhere! The talented and hardworking pop star Beyonce is sworn in as 45th President of the United States! Crowds of thousands across the US have shown their support for their new president and seem to be delighted to wake up to this new reality. In Beyonce’s America, discrimination is never acceptable, instead replaced by mutual tolerance, respect, and kindness toward each other. Even the supporters of…
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Some students in the class say he screamed “that’s bullshit” as he whipped his Alienware gaming laptop into his book bag. Others report him flipping over his desk in rage and displaying proudly his fingerless gloves as he gave his professor the bird. Whatever happened, it’s apparent that one student was not pleased to learn he couldn’t have his laptop in class. The course was Philosophy 113: The Dangers of Computers in Modern Society, and…
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For many years, I have trusted the Illuminati to guide our nation and our world. I have fully put my faith in the all-seeing eye of the Illuminati, and on Tuesday, November 8, it let me down. What the HELL, Illuminati? Did you lose control? Is this part of your plan for the end of days? If Donald Trump is a member of the Illuminati, I will be very disappointed. How can an organization run…
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