Disclaimer: All stories in The Chive are works of fiction. People involved in the stories may not have knowledge of their involvement. This section is meant to serve as a humorous break from the daily grind.
by KELLEN LIEB ’20 STAFF WRITER I have done it! I have completed a challenge I thought impossible. I ate only POD sushi for a whole month. And I only cried every day. It should be noted that I am not a doctor nor did I consult any medical experts during this endeavor. Having no medical records, all I can tell you are my feelings. One word: Terrible. Also, I think my sodium intake shot…
Read More
By KELLEN LIEB’20 STAFF WRITER I, with all my courage and gusto, with pen in hand and mind a flurry, have braved to turn back the clock and relive one of the most harrowing events in all of our lives…freshman year. I spent weeks preparing. Studying the lives of freshman, their mannerism and movements. Trying to understand who they were. What made them act the way they do? And why, in god’s name, did I…
Read More
By ISAAC WINTER’20 STAFF WRITER Joel Osteen looked outside his office window as Hurricane Harvey flooded Houston, Texas. “The way I see it, God gave me a basketball arena and turned it into a church. Then, he took my church and turned it into an ark. Finally, he gave me a flood. I looked at my wife and said, ‘Hell, honey, I’m the Second Coming of Noah and the Ark! We got the humans covered….
Read More
By MAGGIE LYNCH’18 STAFF WRITER At a table by the window, Rueben’s side not Bagel side, four girls sit in silence chewing their food when one of them announces, “I think I’m getting scurvy.” Instead of alarm or concern, the rest of the girls nod slowly. There is an understanding of the possibility of developing a type of malnutrition seen often only by pirates. There is this understanding amongst the four minds before they all…
Read More
BY EMMA ANDERSON ‘20 STAFF WRITER So, you wanna start a White Club on campus? Well, you’ve come to the right place. Step 1: Come up with a name. It’s easy! Are you tempted to come dangerously close to sounding like a pre-existing hate group? Do it anyway! It doesn’t matter; it’s not like anything is going to happen to you. It’s just a name! Words don’t hurt! You know what? It helps to mock…
Read More
This year’s 4/20 was lit; the holiday came and blazed on for the next week or so, the smell lingering down dorm hallways and the P.O.D. restocking the chip section every hour. Now, a week later, stoners have united and are demanding legalization so they can get high in their houses or in parks or at church. But is that the real reason? What if the fight for legalization is just a façade? I dug…
Read More