Chive – Page 18 – the Stentor

Harvey Cain and Forest Gump Have a Nice Lil’ Conversation

Posted on October 21, 2015December 19, 2015 by Camille Lemieux

If you are affiliated with Lake Forest College in any way and haven’t heard of Harvey Cain (aka the old dude who rode his bike 3,000 miles from Sacramento, California to Lake Forest College to raise hella money for student scholarships), then you should slap yo’self in the face with a Ruben sandwich. Nah, don’t do that. Ruben’s sandwiches are too beautiful to hit yo ugly face (to those it may concern: Like, I’ve never seen…

Archaeologist Dates the Caf’s Grilled Cheese to 602AD

Posted on September 29, 2015December 19, 2015 by Jack Loessberg

Members of the Archaeological Institute of America have come from all over to investigate an artifact found in Lake Forest College’s very own cafeteria: the “grilled cheese.” If you regularly visit the Gus and Margie Hart Dining Hall to preserve your Flex for the end of the year (which if you don’t, you should, trust me), you know that there are some foods that the cafeteria offers on a daily basis. Some of these foods…

Your Mom Definitely Heard That Party in the Background

Posted on September 29, 2015December 19, 2015 by Jack Loessberg

The Stentor has just received insider information that yes, in fact, your mom could absolutely tell you were not in the library last night. Without revealing any names, this reporter can confirm that there is no way your mother was fooled by your talk of “papers,” “study groups,” and “just being really busy this week.” When asked, your mom revealed she first suspected you were not being entirely honest with her when she “heard that…

New Sleep System Ensures Perfect Attendance and Grades

Posted on April 21, 2015December 20, 2015 by Jack Loessberg

A morning class is a commitment for many students. It requires preparing your assignments the day before, a consistent bedtime, and avoiding caffeine a few hours before sleep. The practicality of this method, however, is paradoxical, because a college student, by nature, is attracted to a continuous state of procrastination, and the bragging rights he or she gains from pulling serial “all-nighters.” Thankfully, the night owls of the Calvin Durand Hall, colloquially called the “Wood…

Brutal Fight Breaks Out Over Avocado in the POD

Posted on April 21, 2015December 18, 2015 by Jack Loessberg

On one late, thirsty Thursday night, two female Lake Forest College students fought over the last avocado in the POD, while other students watched in horror. Whether the fight broke out as a result of alcohol consumption on “Thirsty Thursday” or if it was just a coincidence that this sloppy conflict occurred might never be known. Due to a request for privacy (as if this were Yik Yak) and the deliberation of Conduct Board on…

New Cameras in Moore Met with Overwhelming Student Approval

Posted on April 21, 2015December 18, 2015 by Jack Loessberg

Three weeks ago, security cameras were installed in the notorious party dormitory, Moore Hall. While many were expecting an outrage and protest of the installation, the result has been quite the opposite. Students are actually excited about the new surveillance cameras. “I love how there is now a recording of me adjusting my bra when I’m walking down an empty hallway,” said one enthusiastic female student. In his e-mail, Dean Pollum assured students that these…

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