Disclaimer: All stories in The Chive are works of fiction. People involved in the stories may not have knowledge of their involvement. This section is meant to serve as a humorous break from the daily grind.
One of the many perks of college in comparison to high school is that you have more freedom in deciding whether to attend class. Given this choice, there are many pros and cons that need to be considered before you skip. Let’s begin with the cons of going to class. First off, having any 8:00 a.m. should be reason enough to skip. Professors just need to face the fact that our brains are not meant…
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ATTENTION FORESTERS: There is a new beer expert on the block who recently tried Blue Moon beer for the first time. As soon as that fine craft beer hit his tongue, The Expert (as he is now formally known) found his true calling: being a know-it-all. Since that fateful day last weekend, The Expert has spent every waking moment discussing the pros and cons of various beer brands—always, always praising Blue Moon above all…
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Are students satisfied with the food choices offered in the school cafeteria? “Aramark food is indeed wonderful,” said Jamie Oliver ’12, as he delighted himself with baked potatoes placed near some pasta already on his plate. Even though he graduated a few years ago, Oliver cannot help but come back to the Lake Forest College cafeteria because he claims the flavors are “impossible to replicate.” When asked, most of the students interviewed replied that they…
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By not flushing toilets, I am saving our Mother Earth. If you join me, we would both save water and go back to our ancestral roots. I hope you can all join me in this campaign to abstain from flushing Lake Forest College toilets. I know it sounds like a shitty plan, but trust me, it will pee great. Not flushing toilets will definitely be an adjustment, but it will be like pooping in a…
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Ever walk through the Student Center and wonder why your grandparents’ patio doors lead to one of the most influential offices on this campus? Ever wonder what the Gates Center does behind those completely clear doors? Ever wonder how the heck they keep those things so dang clean? Wonder no more! The Stentor was given a special VIP pass behind those completely clear doors, and we are here to share it with you. This reporter…
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Yesterday, there was a discovery into the epidemic known as “Napping.” A cure has been found, and that cure is Red Bull. Researchers at NAP Labs (Narcoleptic and Asleep People) discovered an anomaly at Lake Forest College. This anomaly was none other than Rebecca Howell ’17, an avid consumer of Red Bull, who has not slept since January 2016. Howell, when asked to comment, said that “sleep is for pussies,” then promptly flipped a table…
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