Jack Loessberg – Page 6

Student Prays for the Sweet Release of Death After a Long Night of Drinking

Posted on March 24, 2016March 24, 2016 by Jack Loessberg

LAKE FOREST, IL— This morning, after a heroic battle against the worst f@*%ing hangover of his life, Alan Goodman ’17 has lost the will to live. Goodman spent last night celebrating his twenty-first birthday at the Lantern with enough alcohol to take down a bull elephant. The group left campus at around 10:30 p.m. and walked to the venue. What started out as a fun night out quickly got out of hand when someone took…

The Wood Lounge

Posted on March 24, 2016March 24, 2016 by Jack Loessberg

In 1962, Lake Forest College students Roof Cecil 64’ (the coolest/slickest kid in the school) and Latchkey Lisping Lenard 63’ (his awkward lisping best friend) were in the library and came across the endeared Lake Forest College poem, “Wood You Lounge With Me?” written by Alexander Cunnings, class of 1869. Latchkey Lisping Lenard (aka 3L’s) read the poem out loud to Roof Cecil (aka R.C). 3L’s: “Wood you lounge withhh me? Wood you pal…

Lake Forest College Embarrassed by Lightweight Drinkers at Winter Formal

Posted on March 22, 2016 by Jack Loessberg

The College has issued a statement of apology to its fellow party schools, attempting to explain the poor display of alcohol tolerance at last weekend’s Winter Formal. After complaints from Venue Six10 custodian staff about the volume of vomit, discouraged administrators felt the need to address this breach of college etiquette. Lake Forest College has a proud history of riotous behavior due to excessive alcoholic consumption, but this last weekend’s turn of events tarnished Lake…

Texan Student Terrified of Snow

Posted on March 22, 2016 by Jack Loessberg

Chinophobia: the crippling fear of frozen precipitation. While this word may not mean a whole lot to the average Illinoisan, it means everything to one special forester here on our campus in winter. Today, we tackle a story of fear and loss. Bruce Holtman is a freshman here on campus, hailing from Arlington, Texas. Like all eager young souls ready to begin their journey here at Lake Forest College, he arrived for New Student Orientation…

Movie Reviews, Oscar Picks

Posted on March 22, 2016 by Jack Loessberg

It’s time for your movie reviews! So, with the Oscar deadline long past and the Academy Awards ceremony just over, this is usually the time when the film season dies down. You can count on action-packed superheroes and franchise films to attract box-office attention. Here were my predictions for the winners: The Revenant, Brie Larson for Best Actress, Kate Winslet or Alicia Vikander for Best Supporting Actress, Spotlight for Best Film, Alejandro Inarritu for Best…

The Spiritual Exercises

Posted on March 22, 2016 by Jack Loessberg

Wednesday, from 10-12 pm, subject yourself to Spiritual Exercises put on by Cass Balzer ’16 and Spencer Michaud ’16. This radio show is one of a kind in this day and age. They play some of the heaviest music they can find, just for you, every week. The music is raw and open-ended. And is only for those true music lovers that seek to gain something from their listening experience. They also play other types…

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