In a shocking turn of events, Lake Forest College’s long-time mascot, Boomer the Bear, has been fired!
After 21 years of service to the College and after representing the school in a variety of ways, Boomer was fired … and his replacement is Sammy the Squirrel.
Public Safety issued a press release to the student population explaining that it was worried that Boomer posed a possible threat to students because of an apparent case of Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), previously known as Multiple Personality Disorder.
The announcement read, “Due to evidenced behaviors suggestive of Dissociative Identity Disorder, Boomer the Bear will no longer act as the College’s representative. The safety of our students is of the utmost importance to us here at Public Safety and in the Administration, and Boomer’s refusal to seek treatment for his condition makes him a liability to the College and its students. Happily enough, Sammy the Squirrel was willing to take Boomer’s position on very short notice, and has thus been appointed Lake Forest College’s official school mascot.”
We caught up with Boomer at The Lantern, where he sat alone at the bar. He was adamant that the College’s decision to terminate his employment had nothing to do with his condition (which he also denied having).
“I can’t believe they think I have multiple personality disorder,” said a tearful Boomer. “I mean, sure, there are several students getting in this costume, but we’re all one Boomer!”
A small coalition of students have been protesting on the Middle Campus Quad against the College’s decision to replace Boomer, but many are glad to see him go.
“I never liked Boomer that much. He was always really obnoxious and totally full of himself,” said John Smith ’18.
Betty Brown ’16 also expressed relief that Boomer had been fired, but for different reasons than her classmate. “Honestly, Boomer kinda creeped me out. Like, at events, he would just walk around really casually, and then he’d run up to random people and demand high-fives and hugs… I think he might have had some obsessive stalker-ish tendencies,” she said.
“I feared going to College events because he would probably be there, and I didn’t want to become his next target,” Brown continued.
Other students shared their own thoughts on why Boomer was fired or why they were happy to see him go.
Whatever the real reason as to why Boomer was fired, it is obvious that he will not be missed, and he definitely will not be coming back.
