By not flushing toilets, I am saving our Mother Earth. If you join me, we would both save water and go back to our ancestral roots. I hope you can all join me in this campaign to abstain from flushing Lake Forest College toilets.
I know it sounds like a shitty plan, but trust me, it will pee great. Not flushing toilets will definitely be an adjustment, but it will be like pooping in a Porta-Potty; there will be no lines to use the restroom! Life would become much more efficient. You go in, do your business, and come out. People would not be sitting on toilets, taking Snapchats and trying to pop the pimple they have been battling with all day.
If we take part in the No Flushing Toilets Movement, students would also be able to learn better because the flushing is usually so loud that it disrupts learning if your classroom is on the other side of the hall.
Another benefit is that we would never have to worry about clogging the toilets! That is so embarrassing. And ladies, we could dispose of our tampons in the toilets all day long.
I know you are probably concerned about the fecal smell, but after a few years, the lingering smell of shit would make us hungry for the cafeteria food. We need to do this for future Foresters, because this is the best way for our class to stand out and be remembered.
Not flushing toilets would also bring our campus community closer together. We would let others know what foods we ate and how dehydrated we are. We would not be embarrassed about grunting while shitting either. We would become more natural as human beings.
So if you still think I am the asshole, you are just simply wrong. Deuces.
