In 1962, Lake Forest College students Roof Cecil 64’ (the coolest/slickest kid in the school) and Latchkey Lisping Lenard 63’ (his awkward lisping best friend) were in the library and came across the endeared Lake Forest College poem, “Wood You Lounge With Me?” written by Alexander Cunnings, class of 1869. Latchkey Lisping Lenard (aka 3L’s) read the poem out loud to Roof Cecil (aka R.C).
3L’s:
“Wood you lounge withhh me?
Wood you pal withhh me?
I’m a thsturdy friend.
Lend me your time.
Hit me up whenever you like.
Think of me as your grandfathher.
Old-love-gentle-logger.
Quiet plathe to get thmarter.
I just want you to learn.
Ain’t no one can burn,
Thhe Wood Lounge.”
R.C: Challenged accepted! That creepy old lounge deserves to be burned down.
3L’s: Yeah, it’sss sssso weird. I think it’ssss haunted…You sssstill got thosssse matchessss?
R.C: No, I used them all up on my scented candles.
3L’s: You’re an RA and you keep candlessss in your room. You’re ssssooo bad.
R.C:(laughs) Lisp about something I don’t know. I play by my own rules. 3L’s: Cola R.C….I mean cool it
R.C. Sssstay humble.
R.C: Oh…I’m Gucci boss (It was the 60s and R.C was using the slang term “boss,” which became mainstream in the late 70s, and “Gucci,” which became popular in 2010ish. R.C was a trendsetter with no cool ceiling. Some say he invented cool).
3L’s: I know B.B (Betty Boop) has matches. Let’s just go ask her. She’s probably studying in The Wood Lounge right now.
3L’s and R.C go to the Wood Lounge, where they find B.B sitting down, reading To Kill a Mocking Bird while smoking a cigarette (remember it’s 1962, so this was common).
3L’s: B.B! Wanna bum me a sssquare?
R.C: Yeah B.B. You tryna hobo me a rhombus? (This phrase has yet to become popular among the masses).
B.B: No, this is my last cigarette. Run along boys. Let B.B read.
3L’s: Actually, we came here to assk if we could borrow some matchesss to burn down Thhe Wood Lounge.
B.B: What? You can’t just burn down The Wood Lounge. Who do you guys think you are?
3L’s: Well my name issss Latchkey Lissssping Lenard, and thhhhis here lounge isss creepy and old, ssso it deserves to be burned.
R.C: Yeah B.B, this here wood lounge is haunted. Study spaces shouldn’t have any traces of ambiguity. Yug dig my shovel?
B.B throws her cigarette bud on the floor and get’s up in the faces of R.C and 3L’s.
B.B: Since when does anything in life make sense, R.C? Besides, I bet if you just tried learning more about The Wood Lounge’s history, you wouldn’t find it so scary and mysterious.
3L’s: She’s right R.C. You know, I may have a lisssp, but I’m beginning to thhink thhe only reason why I hangout withh you is becausse I thhought you talked cool, but now I’m beginning to realize thhat you don’t have a clue about what you’re saying.
R.C: Oh, I got a clue. Don’t question me mark.
B.B: R.C The Wood Lounge is a gentle giant that never hurt a fly. Sure, it may be a little corky and the people that study in it may seem like woodman worshipers, but I promise you. There is nothing to be afraid of.
The cigarette B.B tossed on the ground starts to slowly catch fire.
R.C: (laughs) Woodmanti. I like what you did there. Well, I feel stupid. Maybe I do need to stop hiding behind my lingo and let my guard down a little.
The fire behind B.B starts to catch fire in the entire loung. B.B and all the other kids studying in the lounge begin morphing into demons.
3L’s: Holy sssnikes! Thhhe lounge is on fire!
R.C: Are we in hell??!!!!
3L’s and R.C burned to death, but as we all know, The Wood Lounge still stands strong today. SO, WHEN YOU TRY TO KILLA WOOD LOUNGE, DA LOUNGE WILL KILL YOU. DON’T FUCK WITH THE LOUNGE!
