On one late, thirsty Thursday night, two female Lake Forest College students fought over the last avocado in the POD, while other students watched in horror.
Whether the fight broke out as a result of alcohol consumption on “Thirsty Thursday” or if it was just a coincidence that this sloppy conflict occurred might never be known. Due to a request for privacy (as if this were Yik Yak) and the deliberation of Conduct Board on a proper disciplinary action, the students involved will remain unidentified. Therefore, I will refer to those involved as “Jane Doe” and “Janette Doe.”
It began with Jane Doe entering the POD yelling about how her pores “were more clogged than a communal shower drain.” She bragged to her friends that she had discovered a solution to her facial dilemma, an avocado mask recipe on Pinterest that guaranteed to not only clear her pores, but also give her that bright and shining 10-year-old face again.
Almost simultaneously, Janette Doe was boasting to her friends about this new avocado diet she found by following a fitness guru on Instagram (if you’re curious, this diet includes eating at LEAST one avocado for breakfast, lunch and dinner drizzled in honey and extra virgin olive oil). This diet guaranteed a 20-pound weight loss for that ultimate summer-time bod that Janette Doe was aching for. So, rather than going to the gym, she had to have her avocado dinner. You can imagine the crabbiness of someone running on solely avocados, honey, and oil.
Once their hands touched and their eyes locked, the two fanned out and proceeded to throw every item in proximity at each other. From the precious Ben & Jerry’s, to glass Tostitos Dip jars, the POD was in disarray, the cashier having no choice but to run to Public Safety for help. By the time the officers arrived at the scene, everything was broken and sliding off the walls – everything except the beloved avocado.
Conduct Board is considering a just punishment for the girls, such as making them sit and watch as their oily fruit is chucked into the ravine.
An alternate also being considered is designating them as “Flex-Daddies” for the rest of the semester, aiding any student running low on Flex Dollars. Look out for two girls outside the POD wearing signs stating, “I will never fight over another avocado again, but I will be your Flex-Daddy.”
Disclaimer: All stories in The Chive are works of fiction. People involved in the stories may not have knowledge of their involvement. This section is meant to serve as a humorous break from the daily grind.
