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This year’s 4/20 was lit; the holiday came and blazed on for the next week or so, the smell lingering down dorm hallways and the P.O.D. restocking the chip section every hour. Now, a week later, stoners have united and are demanding legalization so they can get high in their houses or in parks or at church. But is that the real reason? What if the fight for legalization is just a façade? I dug deeper and found out why stoners truly want recreational marijuana.

I discussed the true agenda for a weed-friendly USA with several people who claim that pipes and b***s (“water pipes”, according to stoners, is now the correct term) are made for tobacco use only. They speak like it is some sort of legend, a folktale about a future world where hemp plants replace Christmas trees and hemp fashion lines start to take off. Imagine, cars that run on hemp, ropes made of hemp (for a more comfortable wear around the neck of foolish people who smoke weed instead of making a dish towel out of it, damn them to hell), but no teas or food or anything ingested made from hemp. The stoner community is clear that it no longer condones smoking weed, but rather it should be used for anything except smoking.

Hemp can also be used in baby products such as diapers, soft clothing, and binkies. Toddlers and young children can also benefit from toys made out of hemp, even their own hemp playground equipment. Money can be made of hemp (it might be already because it’s…well, it’s green so… yeah, right?), furniture can be made of hemp, but your house can’t, because if that burns down it’s going to get everyone in a mile radius high as balls, and the stoner community does not want that to happen.

Some people actually NEED marijuana because they are suffering from seizures or diseases that decrease appetite. However the stoner community does not actively publicize these stories, because they don’t want to take someone’s suffering and use it to promote their own agenda. The stoner community also wants to promote scientific studies on the long-term effects of marijuana, instead of ignoring scientific conclusions to feel good about their own lifestyle choices. Pot, to the stoner, is something that makes them feel selfless, that they are giving to people in need.

Of course, the stoner community can be a bit hard-hitting (not like in a b*** hitting way, of course, because stoners don’t want to smoke, duh), but all they want is a hemp-loving world that uses the product for anything from abstract art pieces to home décor. Stoners believe that marijuana has a bigger purpose than recreational use, which is why any type of marijuana inhalation is looked down upon. Except for dabs; that shit fucks you up.

 

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