Chive

Disclaimer: All stories in The Chive are works of fiction. People involved in the stories may not have knowledge of their involvement. This section is meant to serve as a humorous break from the daily grind.

Lake Forest’s Toilet Paper Saves Two Lives and Cleans Zero Butts

Posted on by Camille Lemieux
Lake Forest’s Toilet Paper Saves Two Lives and Cleans Zero Butts

Recently, a team of toilet paper scientists took up residency in the Lake Forest College bathrooms. Known for doing their work with great care, they were called the Anal Analysts. And they brought with them their white lab coats, pipettes, fancy pens, and plenty of yellow-colored water. Their goal? To find out what Lake Forest’s signature half-ply toilet paper actually can do. They began in the depths of Harlan Hall. Their first subject? The second-floor co-ed…

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New Semester Brings New Classes, New Friends, and New OpIportunities to Disappoint Parents

Posted on by Camille Lemieux
New Semester Brings New Classes, New Friends, and New OpIportunities to Disappoint Parents

It’s a brand new school year at Lake Forest College, and the smell of academia is floating through the air. Faculty are teaching, staff are working, returning students have turned their brains on once again, and first-years are discovering elaborate new ways to disappoint their parents. Sure, in high school you’ve achieved some level of parental failure like getting a C in Geometry because even though they gave you money for a tutor, you spent…

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“Local Student Eats Chunk of Drywall instead of Caf Chicken”

Posted on by Jack Loessberg
“Local Student Eats Chunk of Drywall instead of Caf Chicken”

’m willing to bet that no college in the country is able to serve five-star cuisine to its students or even four-star cuisine, for that matter. Around the nation, the same old jokes float around like the aroma of soggy french fries under a heat lamp. “Watch out for the freshmen 15.” “Enjoy the good meals at home while you can.” The list goes on and on. Most people just grin and bear it, chowing…

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10 Excuses You Told To Blow Off That Annoying Friend

Posted on by Jack Loessberg
10 Excuses You Told To Blow Off That Annoying Friend

  1) Mom said, “No.” You can never be too old to use this classic excuse. As a child, this was the best way to get out of plans. Who’s to say it has to stop now that you are in college? 2) My pet died. Everyone has a heart for animals, and you do not have to use the classic “dog” excuse to get it to work. It can be your cat, llama, platypus,…

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Trump, the Art Behind the Man Exhibit

Posted on by Jack Loessberg
Trump, the Art Behind the Man Exhibit

On April 20, the Lake Forest College Art Department will be housing a Donald Trump art exhibit entitled: Trump, the Art Behind the Man. Trump is a billionaire who rose to prominence as a real estate mogul and television personality, and he is now most well-known for his status as a potential Republican presidential nominee. What many don’t know about him is his dalliance with the modern art movement. In his early schooling, Trump developed a…

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